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​Grapholistic Podcast Transcripts

​Season 1 Episode 3
(Phase 2) Changing Bad Habits

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Our habits play a significant role in changing our mindset and going one-step forward to put our imaginations and dreams into actions. The efforts will contribute to building the foundation of our self-esteem and overall disposition.
 
For more on handwriting analysis, comprehensive graphology reports and personality development coaching, visit www.grapholistic.com
 
Feedbacks and questions regarding podcast, email to grapholistic (@) yahoo.com 
Hi everyone. 

Welcome back to Grapholistic Podcast. I hope you have been doing great today. 

In this episode we will explore further to the next phase which is called the Phase 2. 

Phase 2 is changing bad habits. What do we consider as bad habits? Your bad habits might not be the same like your co-workers’, your partner’s or others’.

For this phase and practice, you still have to self-reflect and observe what are the behavior you are currently doing which is considered as bad habits. That is the consequences and the effect of doing it is negative and not worth it. I am not talking of what your partners’ and people around you think it is your bad habits. You have to self-reflect. 

For instance, if your goals were to spend more quality time with your family, what is currently preventing you to do this? Is it that you always go home late at night and by the time you reached home, everyone is already asleep? And why are you home late? Is it because you have so many works to do in office? If yes, why? Can it be done right on time before 6pm? If not, why? Is it because you are procrastinating? Is it because you tend to spend time chatting with your colleagues instead of doing your work? Is it because you are surfing the internet and watch YouTube during office hours? Is it because your boss kept you late? Or is it because you would like to show off to your boss and your colleagues that you are hardworking and therefore stay late at night? Or your manager is giving you work at last minute? Or you intentionally want to be home late? 

There are so many questions here. You have to dig deeper what is the cause of your bad habits that could affect your lifestyle preventing you from spending quality time with your family. So, normally, when I coached individuals to improve themselves, I will make sure we dig deeper to the reason of why and why, digging deeper into what they actually want, and what are the behaviour or results which is meaningful to them.

This leads to the 1st step of Phase 2 which is putting your thoughts, imagination and plans into actions. Small steps are fine as long as you start. This phase does not entertain the process of just talking without doing. If you have this trait and is dominant in your personality, put it at one side and you have to focus and really do this in action. 

Firstly, is to check what you are not good at. I am going straight to the weakness because in reality this is usually what happens. After that phase 1, what do you notice about your daily behaviour and practice that makes you just feel demotivated and don’t want to do those things that you planned.

What I meant by result of bad habit is for instance when I was in primary school, I was very weak in English, Science and Mathematics and I guess my mother tongue language also. Wait before I proceed. I want to highlight that I was good at all these with marks around 70 to 85 from P1 to P3 but my performance declined after that.

The daily behaviour and practice that demotivates me is, like I mentioned in earlier episodes, there is this phase when I felt very heavy, lethargic, and something feels uncomfortable towards myself and hated the people around me. Going to tuitions didn’t make any difference for me. The only reason that I look forward to going to tuition was to have their fried sausage during breaks. That is all. 

Then after school, instead of studying or revising, I will play downstairs with my friends and my brother, and always told my dad I had done my homework but instead I copied from my friends the next day. I had a timetable which my dad used to teach me and my brother how to plan and use it, but well, I said I did but I didn’t. 

And what I meant about doing those things I planned, basically, when I failed those exams, this is not anymore about whether I am not smart or intelligent. It has something to do in putting in effort of what I was supposed to do as a student, the responsible as a student, but I didn’t.  

So, putting in effort is putting everything into actions. It is actually but I feel it is the most challenging. So, after identifying my weaknesses, I focused on those and gradually change and I kept practising.  

The actions are like these, I started to read books like novels, some non-fiction. Do assessment books and comprehension. Practice writing essays to improve my English Language. For maths, I kept practising problem sums and finish the assessment books. Memorise formulas and learn how and when to use those formulas in problem sums. For science, same thing. Practice and try to understand what everything means. How those physics and chemical formula works. 

While doing this, you will be wondering what are the bad habits that I changed or removed 100%? Which leads to the next stage, step 2 of this process. 

Firstly, my play time. Instead of playing 3 to 4 hours daily after school, naturally, I ended up not playing anymore that much. Whenever my friends asked me out to play badminton or the playground, I told them I can’t. I didn’t tell them why though because like I said I prefer not to tell people in detailed. 

Second habit was watching television. If I remember correctly, I stopped watching TV immediately. It is not by force this time. I did it on my own will.  

Third was I did all my homework without fail. This was like one of my best achievements during that time. 

Fourth was to be on time to school and not miss any remedial, after school classes and any classes. Concentrate in class. When I said concentrate means I don’t think about what I want to eat after school, what I want to do after school.
All these happens right after Preliminary Primary Six and I had 4 months before the final PSLE. It is a very short period but it did happened. 

Step 3 is to adopt to healthier habits. I am jumping straight to another example at another phase of my life what has really happened. When I started my Secondary 1 phase, I started to exercise. By the way, I was also in the National Police Cadet Corps (NPCC). Training for stamina every morning like running, push-ups and then marching made this step like a compulsory thing to do. I was overweight when in Primary school and then becoming fitter gradually. And of course, with a healthier body and mind, I was more active in my physical activities in school like when we play soccer and captain ball and gym stuffs. This was when it all started. My inclination to build my interpersonal skills. 

Step 4 is another healthier habit which I adopted to and become my go-to daily which is time management. I still plan my time every day and still am doing it even after 20years.  

So, I uses this concept when I was planning for my PSLE exam. This time at my own will. If whenever you feel like procrastinating, studying at home made you sleepy. Bring your things downstairs under the block, at a park or in the library. Do your revision there. I did try this method and it helped but I did it alone, I don’t study with my friends. Please make sure you are at a safe lit up area, though. 

Remember the method used in Phase 1 in Episode 2. When we write, high probability we will do it. Structuring your time management is the same. I adopt this habit in my working life. Everyday, I will make sure I write what I plan to do on that day. Now, I am working to build my own businesses, every Monday I will write what I plan to do the whole week on 5 pieces of post-it pad. Sometimes, I will do it on a Friday for the next week plans. Then I will paste it in front of me on my monitor. After I complete every task, I will tick it with a red pen. This then led us to the next step in changing bad habits which is to reward yourself. 

Step 5 is to reward yourself for any successful goals you have done. Even though it is a simple as reading 5 pages of the book you just bought. Why? Because to sit down and ignore text messages and social media updates for 30 minutes to focus on just reading is very very challenging nowadays. By ticking the tasks, you planned to do during the day is considered an achievement. You will be satisfied with what you had done and managed to endure it. 

Listen, everything you are doing, make sure it is not dragging you. When you are setting long-term goals make sure that those goals does not drag you towards it. You have to feel lighter and satisfied after doing all these phases. These steps and processes which I shared should not be a burden to you. If you feel like it is a burden, I suggest that you stop doing it. Go and take a break. Walk at the beach. Listen to music. Be by yourself. Watch movie by yourself. Eat at a restaurant by yourself. Relax. And then the next day, or the day after, feel it in your heart and let your mind wander and imagine moments that will make you happy. It can be something you have already done before or something you imagine yourself doing it and satisfies you. 

Because if not, however you made your timetable colourful, but if you feel it is a burden, you will not enjoy doing it. 

All these steps which I have covered for in this phase 2, you might be thinking, yeah you can say whatever you want because you have a comfortable family life. You do no need to think about working to support your family. 

Just to tell you about my family. I grow up in a middle-income family. My dad has to work a full-time job a telecommunication company and then when he returned home at 5.30pm, he will drive taxi till middle of the night as part-time work to support the family. Three to four times a week. My mum worked in a semiconductor factory until I was in secondary 1 if I am not wrong and became a full-time housewife since then. So basically, we have basic needs and lives in a moderate comfortable household. So, that is also the reason when I dreamed of studying till PhD and have good career is because I want to make sure my family life improved. So, this is like a push for me. My dad didn’t force me and my brother in terms of anything we are doing. I have heard stories from my friends how their parents sometimes pushed them to score As in all subjects and all. The way my dad encouraged me to study is asked me what is my target for my exams. For instance, if I failed a subject, he will ask me what is my next target for the next exam. When I said I will make sure I pass. He will asked what marks are you aiming for. Then if I cannot answer. He will ask is 65 okay for you, or 60 okay for you? I don’t remember him asking if 75 is ok for me. I believed that he did not want to stress me out or be disappointed when I failed. During that primary school, most of the time I failed like I said nothing motivated me. 

But then naturally, when I set my own targets and I did everything on my own will starting from PSLE to Secondary school and beyond, I turned out to be in top 10, then top 5 then top 3 in class. Remember how I have been failing my exams for maths and English during primary 4 to 6. In Secondary 3, I had the highest score in school overall for Maths, I remember correctly it was 98. 2 points higher than the usual top student for Maths.    

And gradually, when I was in Secondary 4, for my N level exam, I kept telling myself and also in my prayers every day I said I want to be in top 3 in school for my N Level exam. Guess what? I did achieve that. I was the top 3rd student in school with 3 pts aggregate for the top 3 subjects, Geography, Malay and Science with Grade 1. As for my O Level, I had total 12 pts for all subjects making me be in the top 10 in school and first in class and with the option to go to JC or Poly which is a good sign during that time in terms of academic wise. I am not sure whether I was surprised that I did it. I think it is more of wow those goals and prayers did worked out. 

So, why I am telling you my school marks? Apart from I am grateful of my achievements, I want you to know that whatever I am sharing here is not just bubbles of motivational speech without successful evidence and results. It is a true story that happened to me. If my story could motivate you now, I will be delighted that another dream of mine is achieved.  

That last step on rewarding yourself, please remember to do this step. After any small or huge achievements doesn’t matter. Go and play your video games. Go for a movie. Enjoy your day with your friends. Do anything you want to do. Eat that ice-cream. If you want to watch TV go and watch TV. Don’t think about anything anymore. 

So, for you, you have to ask yourself what is pushing you to do what you want now. If you are not from a well to do family, you still have to ask yourself what is important now and what would you need do to change it. And when you tell yourself that you want to change it to the better, most of the time like I said, you will be like a magnet to those things surrounding you. You will not give yourself this reason that your family couldn’t afford to pay for your school fees. You will find ways to solve this issue especially if you are really interested in educating yourself. 

Because, sometimes even if your dad could afford to pay for your school fees but if you are not interested, you will decide to drop out and give that excuse that it is wasting your time or your money to pay for your school fees. I am saying this based on what happened to some of the friends, acquaintances and even family members I know. 

If you are in school right now listening to this, and you would like to continue your studies, but your parents could not afford to pay for you your tuition fees. Please discuss this with your teacher. Do not give up or drop out of school just like that and play truant. Being educated is important and please don’t tell me or give an excuse to yourself about how successful people like Bill Gates is even though he dropped out of school. The,n I will tell you this. Bill Gates didn’t drop out of primary or secondary school. In fact, he was a National Merit Scholar when he left his school. He dropped out of Harvard law school because he was taking a course that he didn’t like but what his parents wanted him to take. But meanwhile at that time, he was already doing computer science which he is more interested in. So, don’t ever give yourself any excuses or let other people tell you the stories about billionaires like bill gates dropping out of school but still ended up as a billionaire. You don’t need to study or your uncles or aunts tell you that you will end up in the kitchen. Just shut it out. 

Learn to understand about yourself first, what you like and any other interests that you are keen in can be done in parallel with your education. If you fail a subject, try one more time again. If you fail your driving test, do it again. Practice first then do the second time. I want to shout out to a secondary school classmate and friend of mine. She sat beside me when we were in secondary 4 and 5. She failed her maths during ‘O’ level and because of that, she couldn’t go to the next phase. So, what she did was one of our teachers in school, he was not even our maths teacher at that time, spent his time to teach her after that year. If I am not wrong they have this private study or something before retaking the exam with an institution. This friend of mine was also very keen to pass the exam this time. We did talked to each other after I graduated from secondary school and she told me about it. 

Then, she passed her maths a year later and got into the nursing course she has been wanting to apply for. I did tell her personally how I was proud of her determination and willpower to try one more time and didn’t even give excuses of how she is not good and so no chances to pass again. In fact, she tried one more time and get it done.  

The things that you will see, experience, and learn in the educational institutions will not only be about memorizing formulas and problem sums. Yes those are not applicable sometimes when we are working. However, most of the time those skills like presentation, building self-confidence when speaking in class, conversation and socializing skills, learning to understand people, managing and overcoming your stress and challenges in school will in reality help you to build your character. 

Listen, talk to your teachers. They are educators and for sure they would want their students to succeed. And I believe they definitely will help you in some way if tuition fees are an issue to you. You can also tell them to contact me. I have some means to support.  

Alrite. That is it for this episode. I look forward that you find this episode of value. If you have any feedbacks and questions or stories to share, you can send to me an email at Grapholistic (at) yahoo.com.

Meanwhile, I will end this episode here. Thank you for listening. I will see you in episode 4. 

To watch this recorded podcast, and any videos summarizing the process related to this podcast you can visit our YouTube channel or visit www.grapholistic.com

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