Why I Kept Talking about Developing Self-esteem?

By S.Sulianah | Certified Handwriting Analyst and Self-Esteem Development Coach

All my life, I have been talking about ‘self-esteem’. Why? Because there is a need to develop self-esteem as it helps us to ensure personal growth, positive relationships with others, realistic outlook on life, and so on. 

The first time I found out about self-esteem was when I was about 15 years old. This was when I had started learning about the science of handwriting analysis and from these books written by Bart Baggett, the founder of the Handwriting University, Success Secrets of the Rich and Happy and Secrets of Love, Sex and Relationships.

The first trait that Bart Baggett highlighted was the importance of self-esteem. He talked about how a person with talents and capabilities but with lack of self-esteem will feel towards themselves. These individuals will find themselves struggling to appreciate their own abilities which could lead to inability to handle criticism, depression, dissatisfaction and so on. In fact, self-esteem is not the same as being confident. We can be confident but not having a healthy self-esteem could pull us down. 

Since the day I found out about the significance of self-esteem, I have read countless books and did further research on this subject. That is the reason that every time when I conduct any seminars, personal consultation and write motivational articles, self-esteem will be mentioned directly or indirectly. 
 
It had taken me a lot of effort, time, and trial and error to build my own self-esteem. I am so grateful that I found this out when I was in secondary 3, so I have the space and time to test it at different phases of my life.

When in I was primary school (6 years of education), and during my early stage of my secondary school years (5 years of education), I have been struggling with communicating with people such as my friends and my parents. They irritate me most of the time. Anything they said hurt me a lot, which then I will questioned my worth.

Then I started learning on how to understand myself and eventually develop my personality to the positive spectrum. There are many ways to do these, but I had managed to overcome my struggles in three ways.

1. There was this valuable interpersonal skills subject which my secondary school had instituted. It was their first time to incorporate it in the curriculum, and was one of my favorite subjects in school apart from Mathematics and Geography. They have these activities and training on how to build interpersonal skills, communications skills, how to set goals, ways to accomplish it, and also developing other soft skills.  Setting goals can be in your head but we were taught to write it down because when you write it down, and you read it out, it will be registered in your mind. I find it helpful to write it down on my diary or anywhere permanent not on loose papers though. Except for daily plans like what to do, yeah on post it pad. I used to write daily activities plans on my computer. Or you can use available software like the Microsoft Outlook (I am not into that because this software always crashed my computer), or any other goal setting software in the market.  
   
   
2. The other way which I learnt was through the Graphotherapy technique. This is one of the important modules for my handwriting analysis certification course. I learnt about the techniques from the Handwriting University when I was 16 years old. The ways to improve or change my handwriting strokes that will improve self-esteem, eliminating sensitivity to criticism, removing sarcasm in conversation and any traits that were not pleasant for me during that phase.
   
   
3. Throughout those years and beyond, apart from reading novels, my best friend was books like self-motivation, communication skills, goals setting, how to make friends and 'be charming'. :)

 
Some of my favorite books which had contributed to the person who I am today are those written by Dale Carnegie - How to Win Friends and Influence People, Robert T.Kiyosaki's Rich Dad Poor Dad, Making Friends by Andrew Matthew. Most of these books are found in my dad’s library where he has wide collection of books, while some of it were purchased from my own pocket money.
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Learning about myself and improving my traits is a long-term process. I have been doing it for 23 years, and still am doing it. For me, this process is important. It learned to tap the concealed and passive side of myself while learning to be confident to stand by my own principles and views.

Even though at times I broke certain rules (most of the time to test and analyse), I will be completely aware of the reasons to my actions and know the limits. These stages are for me to feel more sure about who I am, what I like and the things I couldn't stand, what I want, and the type of people who I would like to be friends with. And every time someone else who could be my parents, relatives or friends interfered to tell me something such as “Hey you should do this” or “If I were you, I will….” in a judgmental and directive tone, when I know that I am not that type of person, I will be able to defend myself wisely and refused intelligently.

And the skills which I had learnt to eliminate sarcasm and sensitivity comes in handy and is working well so far. I  observed so much difference compared to when I was in primary school and during the early stage of my secondary school. Sensitive to what people said made me respond to remarks sarcastically. But now, when someone said something that sounded demoralizing or like criticizing, I managed to handle it in a way that they will realized that they sounded shallow, and then they will come back to me with apologies.
 
Understanding ourselves will take time and patience, but most importantly is the degree of interest we have towards ourselves. Something which I always kept in mind for any other goals that I am striving for.  
 
Meanwhile, if you feel the same way too, I wish you all the best in your journey to learn about the things you like, what you like about yourself, the type of people you would like to be with and any other values which will make your life interesting. Remember to learn to love yourself. Self-esteem is the most essential quality and is the main cause of positive life decisions.

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