What if You are the Type Who Talks So Much? How to Know When to Stop? | Be a Compassionate Listener | Grapholistic Podcast Episode 10 | S.Sulianah

​The next important point is while you are telling your story, learn to also be attentive to observe the other person’s body language. Listen to their body language. It is a response to the message you are delivering. If you talk to a person, firstly make sure they are having eye contact with you. For instance, when you are sharing your ideas at work and your boss is busy typing his proposal and doing something and not looking at you, please stop. Don’t waste time talking to him. You can either immediately stop talking, or you can say to him “Seems like you are busy. I will come back later when you are available to have a discussion.”
 
If you are talking to a friend, if he or she is not looking at you most of the time or she kept checking her phone, you can learn to stop immediately or cut the conversation to the end. The things you are saying is not valuable to them but to you it is important. Save it for others who wants to listen.
 
So, if you are the type of person who talks so much then this is also a good point for you to learn and be aware of the feedbacks especially body language. Doesn’t matter what type of category of personality you are or the type of person you are, you have to learn when to stop talking. Do not give yourself excuses that you cannot. We all come from the same origins for sure you can adapt to situations and not giving excuses that you are that type of person or you are not that type of person. When it comes to respecting others, there is no leeway.
 
So, when you talk a lot, be attentive to body language of a person you are speaking to. They could be very tired listening to only you talking. This can be seen when they fidget too much or their eyes are already on somewhere else in the room other than you. When their feet or body is pointing towards the exit, those are some signs that you should know and learn to stop talking.  
 
I used to have an ex-colleague from the company’s sales department who talks a lot. If you read Thomas Erikson’s book surrounded by Idiots and Psychopaths, this ex-colleague of mine is in the Yellow category. Every time he talked, he will talked non-stop. At first I can manage to listen to him and casually respond to him. But then, gradually, when I realized that his vessels are empty I decided to change my style whenever he had conversation with me. I will turn only half of my posture to him whenever he comes into my room to tell me something. And I will make sure my hands are on my keyboard and my chair directing towards my computer instead of him. When he tells me something, I will only replied, with “Okay. Noted. Got it.” No more questions. He will leave in less than 2 minutes in comparison to 30 to 60 minutes in my room.  So for instance, if you encounter with similar situations in your workplace or your personal conversations with people, you have to know the basics in communication. And then play around with it according to the settings you are in.
 
Same goes to the earlier example when your friend inserted her story while you are sharing yours. You can stop them and say “I am telling my story which you wanted to know. So, this is about me not you. Please let me finish”. Usually I will go with compromising and be nice but when I noticed that the individuals will not listen to themselves, I will be honest to them. I have heard stories of people sharing about how their friends don’t listen to them or refused to acknowledge them or gaslighting. And for sure this will affect your personal happiness and self-esteem and even relationship with the person. Just remember one thing, focus on your instinct and what it tells you about your comfort level with the individuals. You can change yourself but you do not have control to tell others to change. So, decide based on what you think is right for you and keep moving forward. 

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