By S.Sulianah | Certified Handwriting Analyst and Self-Esteem Development Coach
All my life, I have been talking about ‘self-esteem’. Why? Because there is a need to develop self-esteem as it helps us to ensure personal growth, positive relationships with others, realistic outlook on life, and so on.
The first time I found out about self-esteem was when I was about 15 years old. This was when I had started learning about the science of handwriting analysis and from these books written by Bart Baggett, the founder of the Handwriting University, Success Secrets of the Rich and Happy and Secrets of Love, Sex and Relationships.
The first trait that Bart Baggett highlighted was the importance of self-esteem. He talked about how a person with talents and capabilities but with lack of self-esteem will feel towards themselves. These individuals will find themselves struggling to appreciate their own abilities which could lead to inability to handle criticism, depression, dissatisfaction and so on. In fact, self-esteem is not the same as being confident. We can be confident but not having a healthy self-esteem could pull us down.
Since the day I found out about the significance of self-esteem, I have read countless books and did further research on this subject. That is the reason that every time when I conduct any seminars, personal consultation and write motivational articles, self-esteem will be mentioned directly or indirectly.
It had taken me a lot of effort, time, and trial and error to build my own self-esteem. I am so grateful that I found this out when I was in secondary 3, so I have the space and time to test it at different phases of my life.
When in I was primary school (6 years of education), and during my early stage of my secondary school years (5 years of education), I have been struggling with communicating with people such as my friends and my parents. They irritate me most of the time. Anything they said hurt me a lot, which then I will questioned my worth.
Then I started learning on how to understand myself and eventually develop my personality to the positive spectrum. There are many ways to do these, but I had managed to overcome my struggles in three ways.
Some of my favorite books which had contributed to the person who I am today are those written by Dale Carnegie - How to Win Friends and Influence People, Robert T.Kiyosaki's Rich Dad Poor Dad, Making Friends by Andrew Matthew. Most of these books are found in my dad’s library where he has wide collection of books, while some of it were purchased from my own pocket money.
Learning about myself and improving my traits is a long-term process. I have been doing it for 23 years, and still am doing it. For me, this process is important. It learned to tap the concealed and passive side of myself while learning to be confident to stand by my own principles and views.
Even though at times I broke certain rules (most of the time to test and analyse), I will be completely aware of the reasons to my actions and know the limits. These stages are for me to feel more sure about who I am, what I like and the things I couldn't stand, what I want, and the type of people who I would like to be friends with. And every time someone else who could be my parents, relatives or friends interfered to tell me something such as “Hey you should do this” or “If I were you, I will….” in a judgmental and directive tone, when I know that I am not that type of person, I will be able to defend myself wisely and refused intelligently.
And the skills which I had learnt to eliminate sarcasm and sensitivity comes in handy and is working well so far. I observed so much difference compared to when I was in primary school and during the early stage of my secondary school. Sensitive to what people said made me respond to remarks sarcastically. But now, when someone said something that sounded demoralizing or like criticizing, I managed to handle it in a way that they will realized that they sounded shallow, and then they will come back to me with apologies.
Understanding ourselves will take time and patience, but most importantly is the degree of interest we have towards ourselves. Something which I always kept in mind for any other goals that I am striving for.
Meanwhile, if you feel the same way too, I wish you all the best in your journey to learn about the things you like, what you like about yourself, the type of people you would like to be with and any other values which will make your life interesting. Remember to learn to love yourself. Self-esteem is the most essential quality and is the main cause of positive life decisions.
#selfesteemdevelopment #selfesteemcoaching #buildingselfesteem #selfesteemcoach #singapore #asia #graphotherapy #handwritinganalyst #graphologist
What is the truth behind the resistance? What are the factors that are stopping you from doing what you had planned and have in mind? Have you ever asked yourself these questions?
You have a lot to do in mind. A lot of new experiences that you would like to venture. But did you ever make the first step to do it?
How to start is the standard question we will ask ourselves. It is common, because we are clueless. We have no idea how we can start to do it. What are the skills we need? Do we have enough money to pay for the cost? And then the ultimate question is, what if we fail? These whats and what-ifs are the ones messing in our head before deciding to make the first step. We are worried. It is fine to feel or think like that. As a human, that is how some minds works.
As long as you find out what are the potential mind playing games that could have stop or hold you back, you can have that inner dialog with yourself.
Let us not discuss about the external “noise” which could hold you back and give yourself an excuse that these people are holding you back. Remember, you cannot change people or stop them from talking about you either face-to-face or behind your back. It doesn’t matter. Ignore them. They could be someone who is closest to you like your mum or dad, friends who you hangout with, or even random strangers who at their own accord will tell you the things you should not do to achieve your goals.
Personally, most of the time, I will avoid telling people of what I want to do and my plans, except to one or two whom I trust. These are the people who listen, will not cut my conversations, and if ever they have their own experiences to share just so I can use it as a guide, they will make sure to listen first. Sometimes I do share randomly with acquaintances and strangers during conversation in public transport or even one-time at Long John’s Silver. These are people who emits positive aura and will encourage you in seconds when you need it. Naturally, I will avoid people who don’t make me feel good and I will take the risk of building gaps with them especially when it affects me in some way. You will notice the difference especially in raising your mood to work towards the goal you have in mind. So, if these are your excuses that stops you from putting your goals into action, I had given you some tips just so you know how to handle it.
Back to asking yourself the truth behind that resistance.
Firstly, you have to ask yourself what exactly you want for yourself. And has these goals and dreams been living in your head for a long time. This inner dialog is one of those things you live with. And every day when you lead your life, it is there at the back of your mind to remind you the greater good that you are heading to.
Then, make small steps towards it.
For instance, you have been wanting to run your own business empires and study until you own a PhD, since you were 14 years old.
There is this subconscious energy that will attract you to that visualization and dreams of yours. Whenever at times you will be out of rail and too tired to continue, that visualization stored in your subconscious is stronger than you think it is.
Remember the excuse of worrying too much like, “Oh, how can I do that if I don’t have enough money? What if I fail?” or "I am an introvert. I have social anxiety problem. I am too shy to speak to people."
Let me share with you based on my personal experiences as of recent. When it is time, everything will fall in to place. You will be surprised that when that moment happens, you will have abundance of support like you have never ever have it before. And then you will ask yourself, how can this even be possible? Where does it come from? Even though those sources are the seeds that you have been planting the past years.
That resistance we are talking about comes within you. Ask yourself how hungry you are to be in that position you have been visualizing for the past twenty-four years? Ask yourself how important is that for you that define your identity and value? Because when you have all these answers, it will come to you naturally while you work for it.
#coaching #buildself-esteem #buildself-confidence #personalcoaching #lifecoaching #businesscoaching
It is a challenging task for us to identify our own limitations and the strengths that is already rooted in us. Why? Especially if we are enveloped with negativity in our life that we doubt our decisions and the way we think. Norms, culture and rules are mainly the guidelines we adhere throughout our life. Definitely, these will be helpful if we are lost during our journey to whatever we are looking for in this life.
We should not ignore the importance of our character and personality. Character is a trait which we mould since we are brought up which includes the genetic composition, while personality has the flexibility for us to carve and will change when we allow it to do so. Building an admirable personality with the character that is already existed in us varies in terms of its challenges and complications. If we could build ourselves to be immune to any negativity that are thrown at us everyday, it definitely will make us live more peacefully with less dilemma. Yes, this is certainly not an overnight process.
Remember, the only person who can make you resilient, happy and thrive is you and for those who believes in God, definitely the one who creates us. If you do not believe in your capabilities and yourself, just think how you can be happy even though you are surrounded with people who could be the light and source of your happiness. This will take from months to years to develop. Takes patience and a lot of doubts during this journey. And if you plan to build it, make sure it is concrete enough that you will not crumble when you are exhausted.
Our character shapes our individuality. The disposition which we mould is a composition from our minor traits. Cubic of knowledge, experiences and reflections make-up the foundation of absoluteness bolstering our core authentic nature.
One of the edifications which I never forget from my religious class during my teenage years is the formula ‘Building foundation.’ Our morals, knowledge and experiences that we build since we are at our early age is the foundation that leads every phases in of our life.
My lecturer asked one of my classmates who studied Architectural, “What is the most important phase to construct a building and will take the longest time to form?” Silence.
He then continued, “Did you realised that the stage that is most time-consuming, costly and tedious in all buildings are the erection of the base and pillars?” … “And that is how human beings are. How metaphoric and logic is that? Forming a positive character begins from when we are young. That defines our moral and value which will act as the substance and guide whenever we stray from our path.”
It took us less than 20mins to build ours, the shortest time taken and least artistic straw tower compared to the other teams. Nonetheless, till date I am still proud of our achievements. It is the only one survived as of to date with this yellow tower.
“Personal thank you to my educators who had shared the importance of attitude, behaviour, characters, morals, education, ambitions, to be grateful and enjoying the moments in life”.
Disclaimer: Images above are outlines of the actual structures. Structural ideas and activity mentioned in article does not belong to Grapholistic or the writer. Special thanks to Mr AT and the individuals constructing the actual structures.